Random chat etiquette: things not to do
The mistakes people make with strangers online. Informal speech, sexual topics, leaving, and how to take a no — with the situations that actually come up.
Treat a stranger like a stranger
Being anonymous is not permission to start off as if you are already close. Closeness is what a conversation builds, not what it begins with.
Dropping formal speech immediately
The most common mistake there is. Someone answering you casually does not mean they invited you to do the same. Ask first, or follow once they change — that order is safe.
When formal speech feels stiff
If it is getting in the way, ask once: "do you mind if we drop the formalities?" The problem is never the switch, it is the switch without asking.
A no is a no
Wanting the conversation to continue makes people talk straight past a refusal. The moment you do that, the conversation is over whether or not they are still typing.
Pushing ends it
Silence is an answer. Repeating the same request or demanding a reason gets you a leave or a quiet fade-out. Ask once, then let it go.
Sexual topics need agreement first
Deciding the mood has arrived is usually one person's opinion. Someone laughing it off has not agreed to anything.
Laughter is not consent
People often laugh because they are uncomfortable and do not want to kill the mood. The standard is simple: if they have not taken it there, do not take it there.
Do not play along to keep the chat alive
Going along with something that makes you uncomfortable, just so the conversation does not end, makes it worse. That conversation is not worth keeping.
Three seconds before you leave
How you end a chat is etiquette too. Vanishing and leaving one line behind are very different experiences for the other person.
Say something first
"This was fun, see you around" is enough. They at least know how the conversation ended, which is much easier to sit with.
And if the conversation was unpleasant, leave without a word. Etiquette applies when you are safe.